Friday, June 29, 2012

Strength

Written for week #58 GBE 2 prompt - Strength

     I've never considered myself a particularly strong person.   That may surprise some people who know that I live with chronic pain, have endured 5 back surgeries, dealt with my husband's bout with cancer and several other health issues that have plagued our family the last several years.     

     I'm not sure that strength is what gets me through tough times.  First and foremost, I believe my faith in God has pulled me through many tough times.  I believe in the power of prayer and know that God's strength will see me through when mine is weak.

     Secondly, I believe that I get through many situations on pure adrenaline, fear, and determination.   When faced with an undesirable outcome, my survival instinct kicks in and I do what has to be done.  When the alternatives are considered, what choice do I have?  Is that strength?  Maybe.  But I see it more as a strong will to not let hard knocks get the best of me.  Life is too short and I want to make the best of it.

     Often times I am mistaken as the strong one in my family because I'm the one who doesn't fall to pieces crying when bad things happen.    They couldn't be more wrong.  Even though I appear on the outside to be holding it together, on the inside I am hurting just as bad and falling to pieces just the same as everyone else.  Mine doesn't show because of a condition called dry eye syndrome which prevents me from crying most of the time.  I do cry occasionally, but seldom at the appropriate time when you would be expected to.    Some see this as strength and some look at you like you are the most cold hearted person in the world.  They just can't see how deeply I am hurting on the inside.  Sometimes I wish I could cry like normal people.

     Everyone goes through tough times and we all have our own ways of dealing with them.  Life itself is survival of the fittest and we all do what we have to to keep going.  So, if that isn't strength, what do I think describes a strong person?

     Strength is my 90 year old father learning to live alone after 66 years of marriage to my mom and her sudden death in a car accident last July.  Strength is my 90 year old father-in-law who is living alone in their assisted living apartment while watching my mother-in-law in the neighboring nursing home slip further and further away after 65 years of marriage.   That is strength.  That is strength beyond my comprehension.  


     










Until next time...that's my view.
Kat

20 comments:

  1. Your father and father-in-law really are wonderful examples of strength. May God continue to carry them through.

    And you, Kat, seem very strong to me. The "doing what needs to be done" really is strength. Some don't. Some curl up and can't find the strength to work through the tough stuff, but you dig deep and do it.

    It really must be difficult not to be able to cry! Crying is such a stress reliever and offers a wonderful cleansing when things get overwhelming. Of course, I say that as a crier. I cry at beauty more than anything, but also in times of sadness or stress. Heck, Hallmark commercials can make me well up. ;O)

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    1. Thank you Beth. I think maybe we all find our inner strength when necessary. The weird thing about my crying is that I never know when I will and when I won't. I can watch a sad movie and tear up and then at the funeral home, when it's expected, I seldom cry. It's frustrating sometimes. I love you and really am going to miss you but I totally support your computer free July.

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  2. Wonderful post Kat. Last year at my moms memorial service people kept talking about her strength, but she never felt strong at all. and it made me realize that even though I do not feel strong, maybe I am stronger than I think just like she was.
    "Bravery" may be the word for you. That is when one keeps it together to get done what needs getting done.
    Boy, now I've written a couple of very odd and possibly confusing sentences but you know what I mean right?

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    1. Yes, Susie, I do know what you mean. Thank you for your kind words. Somehow, I think you probably are much stronger than you think. I see it in your writing. Maybe we both are. XOXO

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  3. I too generally rise to the occasion under pressure. That makes me the never ending go to person.

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    1. That's a good thing, I guess, although it can also be a very stressful position to be in. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. When you think you are living on God's strength, I believe you are using the strength God gave YOU. I don't believe he necessarily will be your strength as much as he will give you strength, wisdom or whatever else you need at the moment. I see a very strong and capable woman and I see crying (inside or outside) as having the strength to get through a heartache. The tears, and I cry enough for both of us, are always there while I do what must be done. I carry more load than a lot of people would, but I am able to do that because I know that someone will be there for me when I just cannot take the next step. That is strength, too.
    Give yourself a little more credit for the strength I see in your heart and in your determination to be all you can be every day. No matter how much or how little that day allows.

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    1. Thank you Jo. You are a wonderful and strong person and I am so blessed to call you my friend.

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  5. Strength is showing up when you're needed. You Kat are someone to count on!

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    1. Thank you Kelly. I think behind all that humor you are quite a strong and amazing woman yourself. I am so blessed to have found great friends like you through my blog.

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  6. People certainly do show their upsets in different ways. Twice in my life I got extremely upset without turning to tears. I had a deep pit in my chest and felt like my body had turned to stone. It was a lot stronger a feeling than crying because I couldn't release the pain. It first happened when I rode in the limo to my father's funeral and then again when my youngest child left for college. It's weird how tears come and don't come at odd times.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. You are so right Joyce. When you can't cry it is such a deep emotional hurt you feel. It really is weird how it happens sometimes and not others.

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  7. There are many kinds of strength, from physical to emotional to intellectual, to that strength for just keeping on keeping on. Nobody has all of them. That's why it's so important for us to support one another.

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    1. That is very true Angela and I am so thankful for the support I get from my online friends.

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  8. wow I even dont know what to say Kat. I think sometimes strength comes to us because we are surrounded with the correct people and love around us. I really admire you for whatever the reason is.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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    1. Thank you Paps. You are right. I do think we draw our strength from those around us.

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  9. Hope you are ok Kat. Not seen a post from you for a while. It is so unlike you.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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    1. Thank you Paps. You are so sweet. I sent you an email explaining what has been going on for the last couple of weeks. I appreciate your concern. I will be back to normal soon.

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  10. You made me cry. Strenght is my grandma living alone without grandpa after 75 years of marriage and still able to smile and take care of others. AMEN!!!
    Strenght my friend is what you have in your faith with our Lord Jesus Christ.
    Take care and God Bless!!

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    1. I'm sorry I made you cry Julie, but you are right about your grandma. The next day after I wrote this my mother-in-law passed away. It has been a rough couple of weeks for my family and we have all had to be strong.

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